We recently sat down with Kelly Schwab to learn more about her journey with Options for Senior Living. Kelly bravely shares her experience with us in an effort to help other families who may be in the same predicament.
After placing her mother, Cindy, in Assisted Living 3 years ago, Kelly needed help with finding more appropriate living arrangements as her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and was in need of a Memory Care community. Here is Kelly’s story:
“For my mom’s first move 3 years ago into assisted living, a previous certified placement agent at Options for Senior Living helped. This time round, we worked with Ramie Quiroz.
Ultimately, we had such a positive experience with both agents. They were a voice of reason, deeply knowledgeable about the field, available options, pitfalls to avoid, and helped with paperwork. When you don’t know what you don’t know, having an expert walk you through such a hard process was invaluable.
In addition, both agents were incredibly compassionate about how emotionally challenging this change was. They honored our emotions and grief, sat with us amid messy things, and were an anchoring point during this enormous transition. Even with the most recent move, Ramie still takes my call, answers my questions, and checks in on me. I still feel cared for and supported by Ramie and the Options team, even after completing the move.”
How did you know it was time for the next chapter for your senior loved one?
“Initially, my mom was living with me at home, along with my husband and kids. However, as her condition progressed, I realized she couldn’t be left alone. With working full-time and taking care of our children, taking short trips away from the house to eat dinner at a restaurant became a stressor for her. She finally realized that the current situation was no longer working.
I acknowledge how rare this is, but my mom was able to recognize this and make the initial decision to move to assisted living. My mom has always been social, so she wanted greater connections with more people. She realized she needed more support than what we, as her family, could offer her.
Then within the past few months, my mom’s Alzheimer’s had progressed. While her assisted living facility had a memory care unit, the fear that developed of going “behind the lockeddoor” was significant and the residents were much lower functioning than my mom. While not as advanced as others with specific symptoms in a typical memory care unit, she needed more assistance than assisted living could provide. It was a more challenging transition to memory care for my mom, creating tension between mother and daughter. Being able to lean on Ramie Quiroz as a part of the Options team to navigate that transition was extremely helpful, and I genuinely believe that it was the right and best decision for her.
I could instantly tell how seriously OFSL staff takes their relationships with clients and their families because it was in those moments when I knew they were not just experts in placement but really had a level of commitment, integrity, and genuine support to people amid crisis. This commitment really stood out to me, and I’m forever grateful for this experience.”
What would you do differently if you could do it all over again?
“Navigating all of the financial implications of this transition can be challenging and overwhelming. Trying to figure out who covers what, who is responsible for what type of care, and who’s not, shifts with doctors, prescriptions, etc., can be completely overwhelming! The Options for Senior Living staff was so good at helping educate us about this stuff, as well as helping us navigate it and finding the right placement option.
The one thing I was wholly unprepared for was the emotional gravity of the transition. I knew how hard it would be on me, so wrapping my head around how hard it would be on my mom was something else. For her to be in a new environment and adjust to all the new things that come with that, and then, especially once she moved to memory care, to lose some freedom and autonomy in exchange for more safety is a complicated and emotional transition. I had to be the one to make that decision, and it was trying. It’s a strange feeling when your heart and mind want to keep the previous versions of your parents intact. You want to remember the version where your parent took care of you instead of having to take care of them.
Even though our family agreed that this was the best decision and the right move, the amount of grief, having to absorb the potential anger or confusion, and wondering whether this was the best decision took its toll.”
What would you say to other families in your position?
“Be patient with the process! There are no perfect places because you are in an imperfect/challenging situation, and there is no easy/perfect solution. However, when you’re working with an OFSL team member, they will help you find the best option that will meet your most important needs.
I noted that the transition from assisted living to memory care can be tricky because there is not an in-between place when your senior loved one needs more than assisted living but is not fully at a memory care level. The need to keep that loved one safe and cared for has to override the desire for some level of independence. The emotional struggle of the move to memory care can be extremely challenging because the senior may not feel like it’s necessary and change is very difficult.”
What about your experience with OFSL made this process ‘easier’?
“There were so many things: the expertise about the placement options available, emotional support and compassion in a really challenging time, navigating the complex systems, being a voice of reason, professionalism, the commitment to having team members who value integrity, etc. I am so grateful for the initial referral of OFSL, and I have given OFSL’s name and information out to many people since then because I believe that the help and support offered by Options is incredible.
Pictured: Cynthia Schwab (center), Kelly’s husband Gary, her kids Toby and Marisa, her sister, Carrie and her husband, Harry.
*Editors note: Thank you to Kelly and her family for bravely sharing their experiences with us. If we’ve helped to place your senior loved one in a fit-for-purpose community and you’d like to share your story with us, feel free to send us an email: berdene@optionsfsl.com